When I put the arse before the face...

By Shaila Preeti Mathew (acj 1998-99)

*When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I put the arse before the face. The tragedy of Jyoti Sanyal is not the man he was and not his untimely death, but that we, especially his students, waited until now to recognise his better side.

Sir, as I called him, rubbed people the wrong way. He was abrasive, prone to rage, and tore our pretty little egos to pieces. I remember my last meeting with him. I had stopped by to show off my wedding pictures. He looked at them, shocked at what he saw, and said, "Preeti, is that really you? You actually look so pretty!"

I honestly don't know (to this day) if that was a jibe or a compliment. I managed a weak smile and left, bruised.

That was his style. He showed no desire to be ornate, stating facts as they were… Pure, simple and brutal. He chose his words well and worked them effortlessly, slicing you when you least expected. He had his task set before him to weed us of wordiness. It worked.

Week after week, as we trudged uphill, we did get better and even understood what he was trying to tell us.

He could talk about anything. From the patterns on a Hyderabadi sari to authentic Chinese food to the crocodiles in the Nile. My only regret is that I never stopped to tell him, however grudgingly it might have been, the impact he had on me.

There is no stupid sentimentality in telling people how much you appreciate them while they are alive, only good old common sense. After life, dead people don't read tributes written to them.

Thank you, Sir.

*I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain:
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.

(*When I am Dead, My Dearest by Christina Georgina Rossetti)